The hearts and hands of mentoring

The hearts and hands of mentoring

MentorsYou may feel that you would like to be a mentor.

In CFC, we believe strongly in the mentoring principles of Elijah and Elisha and also the Titus pattern. The following are notes from the book ‘The Hearts and Hands of Mentoring’ (Used by permission). More than ever today, young men and women need mentoring so that they in turn would mentor the younger ones. Think about it! We need you.




God’s Word reveals a pattern for friendship that can help you release and direct your God-given gift for intimacy, community and relationship. You can become the powerful, redemptive agent that God has called you to be.

Mentors are not perfect people, however they have an experience of life in all of its facets which can be imparted to others. This value of life can be received enthusiastically by one who is less experienced in the Christian life and life in general as they seek their identity, purpose, fulfilment and destiny in God.


Disciples must be carefully developed one by one. God’s primary plan for His church is for disciples of Jesus to develop others which involves a commitment of time, resources, gifts and loving sacrifice.

There is no discipling without training and there can be no training without accountability. Attitudes, actions and words are the fruit of a Christ-centred person and such a person can impart into another’s life. The one receiving thils will find it easy to be accountable to a godly mentor.

The Titus Pattern

Christian mentoring is based on the Titus Pattern as outlined in Titus 2: 1 – 8.

* The Command to Mentor (Titus 2: 1 – 3)

* The Curriculum for the Mentor (Titus 2: 4 – 7)

* The method for mentoring (Hebrews 10: 25 – 25, Col 3: 12 – 17)

A close look at the Titus scripture reveals mentoring is a command, strategically placed between the exhortation to “teach what is in accord with sound doctrine (v 1) and a statement of purpose “so that no-one will malign the Word of God.” (v 5)

* The basis of the mentoring relationship is sound doctrine

* The goal of the relationship is to honour God’s truth as set out in His Word.

Godly lifestyle should be a reflection of the life of Christ within. Goodness – a manifestation of God’s grace within can only be produced by the Holy Spirit, which may flow out from you to others.

Leadership/Spiritual Principles based on the Titus Pattern A Christian leader should:

* Be living an exemplary life that is obvious to both Christians and


* Be morally pure maintaining God’s standard of righteousness

* Walk by faith and demonstrate hope and love.

Be wise, discerning and experienced, humble and disciplined by God’s grace. Be able to communicate in a non-argumentative, non-defensive and non-threatening way without compromising the Word of God

* Be able to demonstrate strong convictions and directness in taking a stand for righteousness, but to balance these attitudes and actions with a loving spirit.


All human and mentoring relationships must be secondary to the development and healthy maintenance of our maturing relationship to God, through prayer, praise, study and obedience.

Jesus, Our Prime Mentoring Model

All Biblical mentoring is carried out under the Lordship and authority of Jesus Christ Who is our perfect mentoring model. He will guide and direct our mentoring by the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus used experience-based learning to mentor His disciples, modelling what He wanted them to learn.

* Demonstrated that His ministry was motivated by His love for God. So must ours be. (John 13: 34)

* Nature and character of Jesus reflected fruit of the Spirit. (Gal 5: 16- 25)

* Balanced grace and truth (John 1: 14) as in His interaction with the Samaritan woman.

Mentoring Ministry of the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit empowers and transforms the lives of Christians through equipping, enabling, empowering and annointing us for ministry and mentoring.


Old Testament

Ruth and Naomi are a rich example of the mentoring relationship, which was reciprocal because both women benefited. The common bond was commitment to Jehovah. Ruth had a teachable heart and listened to Naomi’s advice whilst Naomi received many blessings.

Other examples include:

* Jethro and Moses (Exodus 18)

* Samuel and Eli (1 Sam 3: 1 – 21)

* Elijah and Elisha (1 Kings 19: 16 – 21 )

New Testament

Elizabeth and Mary – the Lord provided Mary with a strong mentor in Elizabeth, a devout woman of strength, faith and wisdom who could impart things of practical and spiritual nature.

Other examples include:

* Jesus and His disciples

* Barnabas and Paul

* Paul and Timothy


Mentoring is the result of a relationship between a mature Christian of faith, integrity and godly wisdom who nurtures a spiritually younger Christian for the purpose of imparting love, godliness, information, experience, confidence, insight and wisdom, resulting in the encouragement and equipping of the less mature Christian to live in the fulness that God has for him/her.

It is a process of making disciples and leaders through the empowerment, direction and guidance of the Holy Spirit so that God will be glorified.

Mentoring is not a programme but a process.

* It is not a formal discipleship programme or an in-depth counselling service

* It is a dynamic and not a static system, involving giving, receiving, relating and sharing

* It encompasses experienced-based learning using an apprenticeship type model

* It is a process of growth, development and maturing enabling the mentoree to develop and use their God-given gifts in the body, thus leading to a fulfilment of God’s calling to his/her life.

What mentoring is not

* Using a protege to accomplish a mentor’s goal

* Helping you become another me. Mentoring is helping you become a fully developed you

* A panacea for all the problems and deficiencies facing the proteges and their families. The essence of mentoring is a sustained human relationship

* Expected to take on the role of parent, professional counsellor or social worker. Some of their traits are a part of listening, nurturing and supporting roles.

Mentoring: a dynamic system

It is beneficial for anyone who is mentoring to be also involved in a mentoring relationship in which they are the mentoree and in another relationship in which they act as peer/mentor.

You receive from your You qive to your

You share with your

mentor mentoree peer/mentor

You are being mentored You are mentorinq

You are co-mentorinq

Mentoring requires:

* Mutual trust and acceptance * Accountability

It is impossible to take someone down a road you have not walked yourself.

The Mentoring Spectrum

* Intensive mentoring – disciplers, spiritual guides, coaches

* Occasional mentoring – counselors, teachers, sponsors

* Passive mentors – models from history and contemporary life.

The Mentoring System

Regardless of what form mentoring takes, whether it be a phone call, meeting for lunch, study etc, it must be bathed in prayer as it assists the mentor and mentoree to understand each other’s heart and to experience the presence of God in the developing relationship.

Peer Mentoring

* Co-mentoring with someone of similar age, interest, and commitment to Christ

* Equal relationship in which both parties respect, honour, value learn from, extend and enrich each other

* Shared mentoring relationship with the aim of spiritual and personal growth, involving both giving and receiving

How to carry out Peer Mentoring

* Schedule regular times together – invest time to build a relationship

* Focus on areas relevant to each

* Be accountable to each other – walk in grace and truth

* Be honest with each other – share – be sensitive to the Holy Spirit

* Maintain healthy balance in the relationship – it is an equal relationship both are co-mentoring

* Study and apply God’s Word together

* Pray together

Keep time informal and relaxed. Too much structure and formality may encroach in a good friendship.


A mentor could be defined as a friend and spiritual role model with a serving, giving and encouraging attitude of humility. He/she acknowledges that it is a privilege to impart and provide godly behaviour, advice, assistance with attitudes, leading to, and inspiring deeper personal and spiritual growth, development and maturity in the life and ministry of the mentoree.

What does a mentor do?

You need to:

* Have a loving and living relationship with Christ

* Be obedient and provide a godly example

* Promote, cultivate and nourish spiritual growth and development in


* Help mentoree recognise, respond and prepare for God’s call on their life

* Provide positive appaisal and training/advice in weak areas

* Regularly pray with and for mentoree

What a mentor has to offer (besides those already discussed)

* Outflow of personal relationship with Jesus

* The person that you are that Jesus has moulded

* The experience you have gained in life, Christian walk and ministry

* Skills learnt and developed in life and ministry

* Ability to communicate and listen

* Your time and availability – caring enough to be there for someone else, which communicates Christ’s love

* Your networks – relational and ministerial

Characteristics valued in a mentor

* Maturity – personal and spiritual

* Humility – lead as a servant

* Sensitivity

* Love – demonstrating God’s love

* Obedience – proof of our love for God

* Submission to God

* Willingness to learn from mentoree

* Affirming – committed, supportive, encouraging

* Ability to facilitate learning – assist mentoree to learn, grow and develop

* Spirit-filled, led and controlled

Many Christians have more than one mentor, choosing to meet with several mentors, each having expertise in a different area ego Life skills, Bible knowledge etc.

What values do we want to pass on?

* A passion for God (Matt 22: 37)

* A desire to lead and serve like Jesus (Mark 10: 42 – 45)

* A desire to live lives of holiness and integrity that will make the Gospel

attractive (1 Tim 4: 12)

* Ability to think, speak and act in the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5: 22 – 23)

* Desire to be a Kingdom dweller and seeker (Matt 6: 33)

* A compassion for the lost and needy (Matt 9: 36 – 38)


A mentoree needs to develop spiritual and emotional stability on the inside, before he/she can effectively minister on the outside, requiring time, effort, commitment, prayer and a close walk with Jesus.

What does a mentor look for in a mentoree?

* A teachable spirit

* Eagerness and a willingness to learn

* Humility, integrity and reliability

* Sense of commitment

* Desire to grow spiritually and personally

* Ability to learn from mistakes

* A sense of growing responsibility

* Ability to reflect as this is integral to any process of transformation.


You don’t have to be perfect to be “mentor”. Mentors may still struggle with personal circumstances as a disciple of Jesus, mentoring others.

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But mentors

* Have had the character of Christ stamped on them, because they will reflect

Him in all they do and say

* Can imitate Christ by serving those around them

* Are spiritually mature and have life-experience

* Appreciate diversity of temperaments, life-stages, life situations, abilities, gifts and callings from God

* Who sees the potential in others

* Who wants to disciple others because this is God’s way to growth in Christ.

Who are sought after as mentors?

A quality mentor will be interested in imparting to others as part of the purpose of God intended for him/her, for they will be conscious of pouring into and building up the local church body, viewed as part of God’s plan, part of current ministry involvement and vitally needed for a healthy church.

* Are more concerned about character than power

* Naturally honour others

* Are doing what they love/what God has called them to do

* Can genuinely say “I’m committed to serving you, it’s a privilege.”

* Recognise that the fruit of the Holy Spirit is more important than the fruit of their labour.

Who are mentors?

The mentors main roles are:

Spiritual leader/adviser Imparter




Facilitator Discipler Teacher Coach

Who benefits from the mentoring relationship?

Mentoring is a reciprocal relationship between two interactive people. Both the mentor and mentoree give and both gain. The focus in the mentoring relationship is to encourage one another to depend on God and not the relationship. Because the Bible, and not personal experiences, is the standard and authority in mentoring, the relationship can become a source of healing as well as strength, growth etc for both.

Mentoring relationships deepen the sense of community in the church providing effective networking within the Body.

Specific benefits for the mentor

* The opportunity to share what God has taught them during the course of

their Christian walk (everything!)

* Opportunity to pass the banner to the next generation

* Enjoyment of giving and satisfaction of sharing

* The ability to exercise the God-given gift of nurturing

* The joy of watching a younger Christian grow in Christ

* The pleasure of sharing the reality and sufficiency of God in their life.

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Specific benefits for the mentoree

* Feeling loved, accepted, cared for and supported

* Gaining knowledge, information and wisdom

* Gaining ministry experience

* Gaining role modelling from more mature Christians who can give

encouragement, hope and confidence

* Receiving advice on how to live with purity and integrity

* Develop a godly perspective on practical living facets

* Encouragement to sharpen one’s focus on personal devotional life, study and personal ministry


Motivation to mentor

God’s glory is the premier purpose in mentoring. There are three basic motivations

* Love for the other person

* Love for Jesus

* Jesus’ love for us (“For the love of Christ compels us” 2 Cor 5: 14)

Reasons for mentoring

Mentoring is all about influencing families, churches, communities and nations.

* To honour God and His Word

* To glorify God by enriching the life of the mentoree as the mentor encourages and equips him/her to glorify God

* To encourage ongoing transformation leading to maturity in Christ which includes taking responsibility for one’s choices

* To create a powerful resevoir of God-given strength, relationship, edification, acceptance, love and friendship on which the whole church can draw, benefit, grow and build

* To deepen the sense of community and family within the church

In John Mallison’s book Mentoring, there is a list of attitudes, behaviour and values of our post modern world, that create tensions and cause confusion for many:

* There are no absolutes

* There is no abiding universal truth

* Traditional boundaries are gone

* Everyone is his/her own personal arbiter of what is right and wrong. All is purely subjective

* Family and religious values are either pushed to the fringe or rejected outright – there is little or no recognition of the values engendered in a reasonably secure family

* Authority and accountability are largely rejected

* Extreme forms of fundamentalism present an irrational way of responding

* There is despair because nothing really works any more. Technology and science have failed to perform in solving the world’s problems.

Why can’t you mentor?!

There is no reason whatever. Don’t rob God’s Kingdom of everything He has poured into you … for you … And to share with others.

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Mentoring myths

* I don’t have enough experience

* I’m not confident enough

* I’m too busy

* I can’t get out to meet anyone

* I don’t want to give the impression that I’m better than the one I’m trying to help

* I don’t want a mentoree becoming dependent on me instead of God

* I don’t want to be committed to someone for a long period of time

Mentoree Myths

* Who would want to mentor me?

* Everyone I would like to have mentor me is too busy

* What if I don’t click with my chosen mentor?


1 The first requirement in knowing how to successfully mentor is to have

intimate, humble fellowship with Jesus, allowing yourself to be guided, led and directed by Him and empowered by His Holy Spirit.

2 The second requirement is to enter into a loving fellowship in a

mentoring relationship, where, like Jesus, you may humbly serve.

Jesus mentored His disciples. How?

* He accepted them just as He found them

* He made them His friends and loved them

* He understood their strengths and their weaknesses

* He taught them in real-life situations – apprenticeship model

* He was willing to take risks on them

* He trusted them by giving them a set task

* He tested them by pushing them beyond the limits they had set themselves

* He taught them they would fail unless they trusted in Him

* He prayed for them

* He discipled them through ongoing relationship

* He empowered them by the Holy Spirit

General Principles in knowing how to successfully mentor

* Be open and warm. Have an approachable spirit shown by your attitude, speech and actions. Attitude forms the basis of success in mentoring

* Be saturated with God’s Word and hold it up before your mentoree as the standard for all thought and action

* Intentionally plan to enable the mentoree to develop and mature in commitment, dedication and ministry skills

* Always offer positive reinforcement, not negative criticism. Lovingly and sensitively lead, correct and guide in harmony with the ministry of the Holy Spirit

* Build mentoree’s attachment to Jesus, not to self


I do


I do it and you watch me You do it and I watch you You do it

You do it and train someone else

-John Maxwell

# During the transforming process in the mentoree as the Holy Spirit focuses on areas of change in attitudes, values and behaviour, the mentor is more of a facilitator than a teacher

Give mentoree a vision of what they can become in Christ

Finding a mentoree

* Discern approaches from those seeking you to mentor them

* Make an open-ended offer for contact

* Use active listening skills to identify those seeking mentoring

* Look for those with prepared hearts who hunger and thirst for righteousness

* Look for those with the potentialities God can shape into maturity

Outlining Boundaries

Clearly set out boundaries at the start of the mentoring relationship for timing, availability and confidences.

Important boundaries include:

* Being available within reason

* Keeping confidences

* Remember you are a mentor, not a rescuer

* Know your limits

* Do not impinge on mentoree’s role, they must take responsibility and ownership for themselves

If for any reason the relationship is not working, release the mentoree with love and grace.

The role of teaching/facilitating in the mentoring relationship

Discover how your mentoree learns best and make the mentoring experience effective and productive





Some teaching aspects of the mentoring relationship

* Mentorees are taught by demonstration and applying what they have

observed and taught ;;;;;;;

* Mentor needs to ask questions and listen carefully to ~e in what areas the mentoree needs assistance

* Assign tasks that parallel the mentoree’s ability and development to experience success and hunger for more

* Show step by step how something is done – put into practice

* Encourage journaling as part of the learning process enabling reflection and examination for change or improvement

* Engage in mutual ministry

Being an effective listener

One of the most important aspects of effective mentoring is active, focused, empathetic, compassionate and sensitive listening.

* Attentive listening requires disciplined silence during which you strive to understand and really hear the thoughts, feelings and meanings behind the words

* Provide reflective, relevant feedback after you have carefully listened to what your mentoree has to say

* Through effective listening you can build confidence, trust and positive rapport with your mentoree

* Don’t pass judgement or take responsibility for those aspects for which the mentoree is clearly responsible.

How to get started

A good way to gently ease into a mentoring relationship is through peer-mentoring.

For someone you do not know well, here are some helpful tips:

* Begin by praying for a mentoree into whose life you can have productive imput. Ask the Lord to prepare and direct you into a mentoring relationship that glorifies Him.

* Seek a younger Christian interested in your area of ministry and impart to them as they work alongside you

* Write a note of encouragement or verbal affirmation to a younger Christian who is showing God-given potential and see what develops

* Take a potential mentoree to coffee/lunch, listen to their dreams, encourage them, and offer help

The approach

Do not make a definite on the spot commitment at the first direct approach by someone to mentor them. Meet the prospective person to assess how or if yu can help impart to this person what they are seeking to fulfil.

The first meeting

The first meeting is critical in evaluating if there is a mentoring relationship between you.

* Do you feel comfortable with each other?

* Share your philosophy of mentoring

* Make sure you know each other’s expectations

* Ask prospective mentoree to share his life, ministry, vision etc

* Ask them how they think you can help them

* If you don’t feel you can help them, make other suggestions and discuss

Getting organised

* Determine frequency and regularity of meetings

* Give some indication of the length of the relationship

* Agree on guidelines and boundaries ego Honesty, accountability, availability, confidentiality, assignments

* Agree on what you would start working on

* Seal with prayer and pray for the mentoree regularly before the next meeting

Regular sessions

* Start at mentoree’s point of need

* Questions: how are you? What’s happened since we last met? How did you go with what we agreed to look at last time? Shall we continue or has God shown you another area? Etc

* Build a regular prayer time together. Encourage personal prayer time

between sessions

* Where is the mentoree at with personal times of devotion and prayer?

* How are your personal relationships?

* What books, tapes etc are you learning from?

During the mentoring relationship

* As you mentor your mentoree, seek accountability with your own mentor

* Prepare each meeting with your mentoree

* Meet at least monthly – telephone contacts weekly

* Do things together ego Watch a Christian video, have coffee, discuss a book

* Apply Bible truths into practical areas into both lives

* Prayer is a priority


Prayer is a vital ingredient because:

* It binds together the hearts of two people in a mentoring relationship

* Creates a sense of mutual commitment

* Builds and exercises faith

* Cements the relationship

Before meetinq

Pray for God’s wisdom, discernment, anointing, enablement, equipping, love and grace

Durinq the session pray for

Particular needs, revelation, guidance and direction. Praise God for breakthroughs, answers and successes

End of session

Commit time, discussion, study, questions to the Lord. Seek direction. Praise Him for His hand on you, mentoree and on the mentoring relationship.

Between sessions

Uphold and support the mentoree.

Do you see what this means – all these pioneers who blazed the waYI all these veterans cheering us on?

It means we better get on with it

Strip downl start running – and never quit!

No extra spiritual faC no parasitic sins.

Keep your eyes on JESUS who both began and finished this race welre in.

Study how he did it

Because he never lost sight of where he was headed that exhilarating finish in and with God.

He could put up with anything along the way: crossl shamel whatever.

And now hels there in the place of honourl right alongside God.

When you find yourself flagging in your faithl go over the story againl item by iteml that long litany of hostility he ploughed through.

That will shoot adrenalin in your souls.

Eugene Peterson in The Message Hebrews 12

* Notes from ‘The Heart and Hands of Mentoring’.